


Amor Fortuna

by mechanicalSavior



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Hanahaki Disease, I did it again, Ice Skating, M/M, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?, oof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 08:13:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13759950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mechanicalSavior/pseuds/mechanicalSavior
Summary: The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned.You’ve seen the disease before, among your friends, among your family. You’ve seen what it did to some people, what it destroyed and what it created. It was beautiful. Tragically beautiful. You could only hope it would never happen to you.





	Amor Fortuna

**_Amor Fortuna_ **

 

_ The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals. It can be cured without side effects only when the feelings are returned. _

 

_ You’ve seen the disease before, among your friends, among your family. You’ve seen what it did to some people, what it destroyed and what it created. It was beautiful. Tragically beautiful. You could only hope it would never happen to you.  _

 

Feet pound the snow covered ground. Warm pants cast light clouds in front of an open mouth. Eyes bright with hope and happiness. You sprint to the hot spring, ignoring the searing pain in your side. Months, no,  _ years _ of staying inside, working, never once exercising or making an attempt to contact the outside world, killed your muscles and athletic abilities. 

 

You believed running like this in a long time was worth it if  _ he  _ was there. Bare feet cold and numb scattered the white water everywhere, dusting the bottom of tattered sweats. You skid to a halt in front of a wooden door wide open, ignoring the stinging of your feet and the numbness in your fingers. Said fingers uselessly pull up an old hoodie so thin it was nearly see through and push back messy (h/c) hair. You gasp for breath and enter the hot spring resort, using the wooden door frame to hold your figure up.

 

Your (e/c) eyes meet the surprised yet happy brown ones of Hiroko Katsuki. She gives you the biggest smile, and gives a loud hello. The other figures turn their attention to you, and you look at the one you made the trip for. Short, messy, and silky black hair, square framed glasses, chubby, pale cheeks stained pink from the cold, warm brown eyes you’d never forget. Your best friend, Yuuri Katsuki, the ice skater with the biggest glass heart, stood in front of you, surprised.

 

“(Y-Y/n)?” His eyes widen behind his glasses, and he drops the bag held in his hand with a loud clang.

 

“(Y/n)-chan! We haven’t seen you in years!! You never come out that house since Yuuri left~” You don’t pay much mind to Hiroko, focusing your full attention on the boy who left without a word. You sniffle and straighten yourself, ignoring how your feet stung and regained feeling. You clench your fist and give a determined look.

 

“How dare you leave without saying goodbye. How dare you…” Yuuri remains silent, shock etched everywhere on his face. Your vision blurs and you sniff, wiping the tears threatening to fall, and never letting your gaze stray from his. He opens his mouth, and takes a step forward.

 

“(Y/n)... I didn’t mean-”

 

“Obviously you did, idiot! You left without a word and never wrote, never called, never texted or anything! You… You left me…” You trail off, letting a small sob escape. Yuuri’s eyes grew determined, and your best friend stepped forward, embracing you in a warm hug. You hold on tightly, letting loose a torrent of tears. He held you tight, releasing his own sobs into your shorter frame.

 

“I’m sorry,  _ shin’yu _ . I’m so sorry…” You hold on to each other for a while longer, until a throat is cleared. 

 

“(Y/n)-chan, we need to get you warmed up. I don’t know how you managed to get here dressed like that. Silly girl…” Hiroko smiled, giving your shoulder a pat. You untangle yourself from Yuuri, looking down as you wiped away your tears. She lead you to a back room, giving you some of Mari’s old clothes, a green sweater, black leggings, and warm socks. You shrug everything on quickly, finally feeling the cold settle into your bones. Hiroko tutted, giving a disappointed gaze at the way the clothes hung loose on your small frame.

 

“Have you been eating at all,  _ sukoshi _ ?” You shrug, pulling on the edges of the sweater that hung over your fingertips. Hiroko sighed and gave you another gentle smile. She led you into a dining room rather than the foyer. You look up to see Yuuri, eyes a little red, smiling and patting the cushion next to him, slightly lifting the giant blanket as well. You gently plop onto the pillow, picking yet again at your sleeves.

 

“ **Ah, Yuuri! Who’s this?** ” You snap your eyes up at the heavily accented English, meeting ice blue eyes inches from your own. You squeak and lean back, holding a hand defensively in front of you. Yuuri sighed and gives you a strained smile. You snap your gaze back to the foreigner in front of you, white short hair falling in his face. He gives you a big smile, oddly shaped like a heart.

 

“ _ Shin’yu _ , this is Viktor. He’s my…” Yuuri trails off, mumbling the last sentence under his breath. You move closer to Yuuri, not once breaking contact with the strange man in front of you. “He’s my coach of last season. I got silver under his teachings. He’s from Russia, so he doesn’t know much Japanese.” Yuuri explained all of this to you, patting your shoulder gently. You give a nod of understanding and clear your throat.

 

“ **I’m (Y/n), Yuuri’s… best friend.** ” Viktor seemed to smile wider at that, clapping his hands together. 

 

“ **It’s so nice to finally meet you! Yuuri told me a lot about you, and the things you do~ Yuuri~ You didn’t tell me she was adorable~!** ” The Russian begins to ramble on, and you tune out. A brown poodle makes its way towards you, giving you a sniff before collapsing in your lap, tail thumping on the hardwood floor. You mindlessly pet the pooch, noting when Yuuri mentioned the dog’s name to be Makkachin. Hiroko places three bowls of large  _ katsudon  _ in front of you all. You bow your head in thanks and grab the chopsticks.

 

“Yuuri, make sure (Y/n)-chan eats all of it, alright? She’s looking much too small in Mari’s clothes.” Yuuri nods and pushes one of the bowls close to you, giving you a meaningful look. With that movement, you notice a flash of gold. You grab his wrist, taking a long look at his hand. Viktor chuckles, and when you look up, flashes a matching ring on his own finger.

 

“ **Isn’t it great, (Y/n)? We’re getting engaged~!** ” You stare blankly as Yuuri chuckles awkwardly, taking back his hand with a large blush.

 

“ **Yeah, it happened before the last competition. Now we’re thinking of going into partner skating. Don’t know yet…** ” You say nothing, instead turning your gaze to the bowl in front of you. Viktor and Yuuri make jokes at each other, passing compliments and poking fun. You let your mind wander, and shrink in on yourself, pushing the pork around the bowl and taking little nibbles here and there. 

 

“ _ Shin’yu _ , did you want to come to the skating rink and finish eating later?” You look into Yuuri’s warm eyes and nod, pushing the barely touched food away. You stand, wobbly on your feet, to go ask Hiroko for a pair of spare shoes. You don’t miss the concerned look between the two newly-engaged couple. 

 

“Hiroko-san! Hiroko-san! Do you have those shoes I use to leave here?” You called out, peering around the corner into the dining area to see the short woman bustling about. She motions to the cupboard where shoes are normally kept, and inside you see the five year old shoes you left behind all that time ago. You thank her and slip them on, waiting on Yuuri and Viktor. 

 

“ **(Y/n)! Use my scarf~ I’m use to the cold, so you can use it for now,** ” Viktor called, walking to the door with a blue scarf in his hands. You bow and take it, thanking him kindly in Japanese. Yuuri wraps it around your neck, smiling and patting your head gently. You watch as he and Viktor put on their own shoes, then step outside, hand in hand. You walk beside them, staying quiet as they talked quietly about skating techniques. 

 

You cough discreetly into your pale hands, throwing the well known mixture of adam’s needle and azalea petals to the ground behind the three of you. You didn’t need to be reminded of your hopeless love towards Yuuri. He turns to you, looking a little concerned. 

 

“Are you getting sick?” You wave him off, giving a smile you rarely flashed anymore. His wrinkles of concern fade away as he flashes a smile back. Viktor awes at your sweet smile.

 

“I’m fine, Yu-kun! Throats just a little dry~” You fake the cheeriness in your voice, and he buys it so perfectly you could cry. You quickly skip ahead, making it to the steps of the Ice Castle before the couple. The smile slides off your face as you climb, holding your chest as you cough again. 

 

You should have known seeing him again would bring the disease back in full force rather than the trickle you were use to. You make sure to hide any stray petals into your borrowed coatm, throwing the doors open with a spare key Yuuko gave you long ago. You run to the back room, grabbing a spare pair of skates off the shelves, sitting on the bench to lace them up. You huff and twirl out the room, stalling for a few moments to make sure no petals were visible. Yuuri and Viktor were already on the ice, skating without a care with trust in each other. 

 

“ **Wow! Amazing skating, yuuri, Viktor~!** ” You yell at the two. They stop to wave at you, and you make your way through the gate onto the ice. You let the nostalgia flow through your body as you glide onto the ice, it welcoming you back like an old friend. You could faintly recall that the last time you skated was the day before Yuuri left you. You shake the thoughts from your head and pull out earbuds and an ipod. You plug in the earbuds and go to your old skating playlist, picking a song to let you escape from reality.

 

“ **(Y/n), are you going to skate to something? Let us hear the song too!** ” You look into the eager eyes of  the Russian figure skater. You sigh and skate to the stereo on the side of the rink, instead hooking your ipod to that. You click a song you remember making a mini routine to, and skate to the centre of the rink. Yuuri and Viktor respectfully move back.

 

[ _ I'm so tired of being here _ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0zuM4bDVixY)

_ Suppressed by all my childish fears _

_ And if you have to leave _

_ I wish that you would just leave _

_ 'Cause your presence still lingers here _

_ And it won't leave me alone _

You skate, ignoring the prickle of tears beginning to trail down your face. You twirl, spin, and execute step sequences from long ago. In the back of your mind, a chiding voice reminds you that you were rusty, that you couldn’t land certain jumps like Yuuri but you could bring back points with your captivating performance. 

 

_ When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears _

_ When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears _

_ And I held your hand through all of these years _

_ But you still have all of me _

 

You land the jumps, ignoring the excited claps from Yuuri, and focus on pouring your heart into this. God, it hurt. 

 

_ I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone _

_ But though you're still with me _

_ I've been alone all along _

 

You begin coughing, reminded that once again, he will never be yours. You ignore the falling petals, letting them trail after your form as you glide across the ice, tears falling freely now. You were simply releasing the pent up feelings, the wounds of Yuuri leaving you behind. The song comes to an end as you curl into yourself, catching your breath, coughing more. Skates alert you to rapidly approaching people.

 

“ **That was amazing! For not practising, you really do still ha-** ” Yuuri cuts himself off, staring wide eyed at the small petals at your feet. You cough, spitting out remaining petals into the palm of your hand. You wipe away the excess spit onto the back of your hand and shove the petals into the pocket. Finally, you look up into wide blue and brown eyes, and give a wide smile.

 

“ **I’d love to see you dorks do better~ I mean, you** **_are_ ** **gold and silver medalists, and Yu-kun beat Viktor’s world record, right?** ” You chuckle and glide away, patting Yuuri gently on the back. He grabs your wrist before you could fully slide away.

 

“(Y/n), what the hell?! You have Hanahaki and haven’t gone to the hospital??” Yuuri is practically blowing up with concern, worry, and anger. You stare blankly at him, the smile sliding off your face.

 

“ **Should we take her to the hospital, piglet? It’s not too far,** ” Viktor cut in, placing a worried hand on your head. You shake him and Yuuri off, skating backwards to put a bit of distance between them and you. 

 

“Who is it,  _ Shin’yu _ ?” You snort and turn your head towards the ice and your feet. 

 

“ **I’m fine. I’ll get over it eventually. And it doesn’t matter who it is, they’ll never return the feelings.** ” You finally break the tense silence. Yuuri is angry instantly, you could tell by his angry growl and skates moving away quickly. The tell-tale sign of the door slamming informs you he left the skate rink. You’re left alone with Viktor. You move to grab your ipod, carefully removing it and placing it in your non-petaled pocket. 

 

“ **It’s Yuuri, isn’t?** ” You give a single nod, glancing back at the blue eyes. His gaze was full of pity and remorse. You sneer at him and skate towards him, stopping meer inches from his face.

 

“ **Break his heart, and I’ll break yours, Nikiforov,** ” you mumble out, glaring into his eyes. He stares back, equally coldly.

 

“ **Shouldn’t I be saying that to you? You’re hurting him by hurting yourself** ,” he retorted. You snort and move back a bit. 

 

“ **He doesn’t care, Viktor. He’ll be fine with you. Why should you worry anyway? You’ll lose a potential rival with his love. Not that it matters.** ” Your eyes lose some of the gained fire, dulling as you gave a sarcastic and sadistic smile. “ **He’s yours, isn’t he?** ” With those  last words, you leave the rink, quickly running to the backroom to throw away the acquired petals and put on your old shoes. 

 

“(Y/n), why won’t you tell me?” Yuuri intercepts you moments before you enter the cold. You pause at the door, and look back at the one you loved for so long. You give a sad smile.

 

“Good-bye, Yuuri Katsuki. May you prosper.”The door closes softly behind you as you make your way home.

 

––––––––––––––––––– 

 

“Is this Hiroko Katsuki?”

 

“Yes, this is she. May I ask who is calling?”   
  


“This is Hatsetsu Hospital. I am calling to inform that Ms (Y/n) was found collapsed in the snow a few feet from the entrance to Hatsetsu beach. Her immediate family is unreachable and as her emergency contact, we were told to contact you.”   
  


“I’m on my way.” Hiroko hangs up the phone quickly, rushing to the door. Yuuri and Viktor glance curiously as she mumbles to herself, quickly shoving on a heavy jacket over pyjamas. 

 

“Mom? What’s going on?” She barely spares a glance at her son as she opens the door.

 

“(Y/n) is in the hospital. She was found collapsed on the side of the road.” Yuuri leaps to his feet, dragging Viktor up and bundling the two of them for the cold.

 

“ **What’s happening, piglet?** ” Viktor questions, growing concerned at his fiance’s rapid and jerky movements. He catches sight of tears in Yuuri’s eyes.

 

“ **(Y/n)’s in the hospital.** ”

 

––––––– 

 

“(Y/n) (L/n)?”

 

“She’s currently in emergency surgery, ma'am. The Hanahaki was farther than anyone realized.”

 

“H-hanahaki…?”

 

“It’s truly sad to see someone so young pass from it, but understand ma’am, the doctors are doing everything they can.” Hiroko sits back down, placing her head in her palms, letting her son comfort her. 

 

–––––– 

 

“Hiroko Katsuki?” 

 

“Yes?” The doctor looks down, and forces a heavy smile.

 

Yuuri let’s the words buzz through his head and sits in a chair. Viktor is whispering words into his ear, but he can’t hear them over the loud buzz. He looks at the ceiling, and cries.

**Author's Note:**

> I dunno if you notice but I usually have things for the Hanahaki Disease and killing people. Also Angst. Whoops.


End file.
